Rustic onion tartRustic onion tart

Let me start by saying that, while you experienced crust-makers are welcome to laugh at me in private over the sight of the crazy-looking tart down below, I am thrilled with my own success. I’ve tried crusts in the past, which I’m not linking to because they are so embarassing. Now that I finally have a food processor, crust is a thousand times easier, just as Mom promised.

I couldn’t believe how fast the cold butter was incorporated into the flour. It was less than ten seconds from chunky to cornmeal. I refrigerated it overnight (I got inspired to make the crust at one a.m.), and this morning I rolled it out and made the rustic onion tart from Simply Recipes. The rolling was easy, and it would look a lot better if I hadn’t had the bright idea to roll it on a silicone mat. I thought that’s what silicone was good for, but my dough stuck to it like glue, and I had to do some scraping with clenched teeth and sweat on my brow, nervous that my beautiful crust would be ruined.

Despite looking a bit disorganized, this tart was delicious. I didn’t have red onions, so I used yellow, and I didn’t have gruy√®re, so I used a sharp English cheddar. I also added a bit of diced pancetta to the onions just for fun. None of these variations seemed to hurt the preparation, and I’ll definitely make this again. Wouldn’t it be cute to make a few small ones for dinner guests?

I was glad to have such comforting food in my belly an hour later, when I was almost run down in a crosswalk by an old bully wearing a fur coat. If you know me, it won’t surprise you to know that I gave his car a tap with my foot as it zoomed past, prompting him to pull over, and that the situation escalated into a screaming argument on 7th Avenue. The crazy coot even gave me the Isaiah Washington treatment! Perhaps I’m guilty of pedestrian interference, but I will still warn our New York readers to beware of a Mr. Silverstein who claims to live on 15th Street and has the license tag HNY 660 on his blue Audi.


I got into a yelling match with some dude in a pick-up truck who nearly ran me over on Friday morning. What a way to start the day! It’s a good thing you had that onion tart to calm you down ;)

(sad little man is trolling around in a fur coat and he has the nerve to address you that way?)
well never mind, that onion tart would be a great sight to see when i’m over for dinner. onion, cheese, bacon and crust – what more could i ask for??

Yipes. I actually did get clipped by a passing car — within my first of living in NYC, no less. It was like getting hazed by the city itself.

And I reacted the way I hoped a real New Yorker would: by picking my (pregnant!) self up off the ground and unleashing a torrent of obscenities at this poor driver who was even more freaked out than I was.

All that aside, that onion tart has convinced me I definitely need a real, bigger food processor, because I could eat like, eight of those right now. (And no, I am not still pregnant.)

Even here in Pittsburgh: I was nearly hit by a turning car, as I crossed Grant
Street on a “walk” light, heading for my bus stop. In addition to screeching to a halt inches from my petrified self, he leaned on his horn and yelled at me.
Something took me over, and I ran around the front of his car to the driver’s side and gave him an uncensored piece of my mind, complete with unrepeatable descriptions of his,uh, person. I will say, he looked startled.
When I arrived at my bus stop, a woman who often waits there with me was smiling. She told me she had enjoyed my performance, but that I might want to think about not provoking people who were already acting crazy. She pointed out that some of them carry weapons. I think that was actually some pretty good advice, which I intend to follow in the future, assuming I can muster sufficient control.

It’s time for us food bloggers to take back the streets. Let’s start carrying knives and Microplanes around and brandishing them at bad drivers. This guy deserved to be grated, like a wedge of old cheese.

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