Last weekend, the third person asked us if we had seen how fat Mariah was on New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. We hadn’t, but weren’t above the gossip enough to avoid googling “mariah carey fat new years whale eats everything,” and the like.

Nothing good came out of that, but eventually a fan site yielded the pulp we were looking for. Yowza! Well, at least she looks comfortable. Almost, too comfortable…

Here’s a thought: this celeb isn’t gaining weight—it’s a case of mistaken identity! The public has confused Virtual Mariah, who stars in her lastest hit video, with Real (Big) Mariah, the flesh and blood one.

V.M. is rail thin and appears in album art, videos, magazine covers. R.B.M. is, well — let’s just say voluptuous — and shows up to sign autographs at Tower, hangs out in da club, and “graces” (according to MariahDaily.com) tabloid covers.

If you don’t believe me, just skim the photos this obsessed person has collected over the past few months (and years). R.B.M.’s weight does fluctuate, but it never fluctuates down to the waif-size of V.M.2005.

Everyone knows how easy it is to fix plump figures for print, do you really think video is any different? It’s not, at least, not anymore. The technology going into V.M.’s size 0 waist in Don’t Forget About Us is impressive. But, you know, so was Jurassic Park.