You probably thought it was air pressure differentials caused by Bernoulli’s principle that kept airplanes up. Silly you.

As the TSA depicts, it’s a baggie stuffed with pint-sized goodies from Procter & Gamble, Johnson & Johnson, and Evian. (Don’t worry, the eau de snob is bottled, marketed, and freed of terr’ism by Coca-Cola.)

The TSA is careful to coin the phrase “zip-top bags,” but we all know what registered trademark they really want us to pack with. What’s the message here? Go with brand name, overpriced, travel-sized products, or expect some stern glances and body cavity searches (possibly involving a replenishing spray of aerosol-borne mineral water) from your local baggage screamer.

Because imitation store brands help terrorist killers almost as much as search warrants.